Tag: christ

Ozzy Osbourne – Where is he now?

I always find it fascinating when a celebrity dies, maybe that’s not the right word. I don’t find their death fascinating I find the world at large fascinating and how everyone reacts to it. The news media, social media, and documentaries start popping up. Suddenly, this person is usually portrayed as such a humanitarian. Which, maybe they were. I don’t know them. As a matter of fact none of us really know them.

Sadly, Ozzy Osbourne passed away. I don’t say that lightly. I am sure his family and friends are all mourning his loss. I am also sure that many beloved fans are mourning his loss as well. You can truly connect with someone through music. It can feel as if they have spoken into your life. So please don’t misunderstand. Do not think that I am speaking of Ozzy Osbourne’s death flippantly. I am not speaking flippantly of anyone’s death for that matter.

What goes through my mind when such a public figure dies is, “Where are they now?” Obviously, Mr. Osbourne I’ll call him because I don’t feel we are on a first name basis, was a very wealthy man. I know he didn’t start out that way. He grew up in poverty and struggled from the very beginning. It seems he came from a loving home. Without his Dad’s gift of a PA system, we might not know who Mr. Osbourne was. He in fact was very successful. I know it was still a hard road. I don’t pretend to know or minimize all the man went through in a short sentence. I also know he struggled with his own addictions. I certainly can relate as I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. So we have traveled the same roads.

What I mean is, there is a very real Heaven and there is a very real Hell. You don’t have to believe in them. That doesn’t make them any more real or make believe. You will go to one of them. I certainly don’t know where Mr. Osbourne is. I am not God. I don’t know his heart. I Googled last night looking for articles where he talked about his faith and there were a few. In one interview he said, “I’m a Christian. I was christened as a Christian. I used to go to Sunday school.”(The Guardian) He stated, “I believe in God. I don’t go to Church, but I don’t think you have to go to church to believe in god.” (Men’s Journal) He also stated he believed in a higher power. He prayed before every show. He also prayed a blessing upon his audience at the end of every show. He states very specifically, “I am not into satanism. I am not a devil-worshiper. I have never been involved in black magic at all.” (1989 Interview) I think these statements are impressive. I can support each one of them. I’m a little iffy on the higher power. As long as he’s talking about God the Father and believing in his son Jesus Christ. A higher power can mean different things to different people. It also looks as if Mr. Osbourne was a very kind and generous man. Raising millions and millions of dollars for charities around the world.

I don’t know if Mr. Osbourne was involved in the Occult or super creepy things. I know that was the persona that he put out. He even says his stage presence was very different than how he was off stage. We have all read the crazy things about him. The bat or the bird, whatever it was, and I think a lot of that was for shock value. I’m sure some of it was because he was high or drunk out of his mind. What I do know is that simply professing to be a Christian won’t get you into Heaven. Neither will being christened. Even saying a prayer isn’t enough. I also know that being involved in the Occult and being a drug addict or alcoholic even biting the head off of a chicken won’t keep you out of Heaven. There’s only one way in. You may only get to The Father through the Son. If you believe and put your faith in Jesus Christ, you affirm that he was crucified. You acknowledge he died for your sins. You believe he rose three days later. You accept that he has ascended into Heaven. He has paid your way!!! What good news!!! So you see there is nothing we can do, we can’t be good enough or earn it. We are saved by Faith through his Grace. We can’t lose our salvation. You can’t go out and do something bad or say something bad and have to worry, oh No! I’m out. God doesn’t like me anymore. Even when we lose our way, he just stands there waiting. He waits with open arms like the good, good Father he is. He is waiting for us to comfort us and love us. He will guide us to where he knows our lives are best lived out.

I know Mr. Osbourne was given a personalized bible not long before his passing by Dylan Novak. It is reported to have made quite an impact on him. He is said to have insisted on taking it to his hotel room. Later, he would keep it on his bedside table. I don’t judge this larger than life man we have all come to know as Ozzy Osbourne. I am not standing in judgment of his life or of his heart. I pray he is walking with the Lord as we speak. I hope he accepted Jesus Christ somewhere in his journey on this earth. I wish to meet him in Heaven one day.

Journey Through Grace: Finding Clarity After Loss

It’s been over a year since I have posted a blog. I didn’t realize so much time had gone by. God has been impressing on me to make this a regular part of my week. I am attempting to do that. I have changed the name of the blog to Journey Through Grace. That’s exactly what these last five years have been. My life has been a journey through grace since God decided that my Dad’s time on earth was finished.

When my Dad passed away it was devastating. Just devastating for myself and my whole family. He was our glue. He led this crazy group of nuts. We all went to him when we needed clarity. Let me say we were nuts by our own doing, my Dad wasn’t the head nut, only occasionally. But there in lies the problem. I will speak for myself although I know others in my family feel the same. When I needed clarity or needed answers my Dad was my go to. He truly was the wisest man I’ve ever known. He was able talk on topics from farming to electricity. He could shoe a horse and build a boat. He may have not had an actual degree, but the man was a bible scholar.

It was not necessarily wrong to seek advice from my Dad. But I neglected to seek clarity and answers from my Heavenly Father. My Dad always pointed me to scripture and showed me what scripture had to say about certain issues. He was always talking to me about reading the word and my relationship with Christ. I don’t think I felt it necessary to deepen my relationship with Christ. I have my Dad. He has all the answers, what more do I need.

I was left spinning when he passed. He passed so suddenly too. Diagnosed with a glioblastoma and gone 3 months later. That’s not very fair God. Thanks for the time to get myself together. My Dad had completed his journey. I know my Dad heard God say those amazing words, well done my good and faithful servant. Now all I was left with was God and of course the world. Needless to say, these five years have been incredible. They have been painful and joyful. They’ve also been depressing and blessed. I could use every adjective in the dictionary because my emotions and my experiences have run the gamut.

My Dad was a great man and he loved the Lord with all his heart. The one thing he did was show me an example of my Heavenly Father and that’s who I ran to. I’ve known God practically all my life. However, I never had a relationship with my Lord, Jesus Christ until the last several years. I now understand the joy my Dad had when he spoke of Jesus. I am busting at the seams for others around me to understand that Jesus. Life is not perfect. It never will be. However, it is a whole lot better when you can truly talk to your savior and you can let all your ugly just hang on out.

I’m excited to share my experiences of the last five years and just talk about every day things. Things going on in the world. Things going on in my life. But I’m most excited to talk about Jesus.

Anything But Jesus

I have been hearing so much lately about the Taylor Swift concerts and the Beyoncé concerts. Now Burning Man is in the headlines. What do all these have in common, you ask? The ability to draw thousands of people together at one time. Taylor Swift draws an average concert of 54,000 people. Beyoncé draws an average of 70,000 people and the Burning Man drew around 70,000 people. What else do they have in common? The opportunity to introduce evil to thousands, millions of people all while they smile and laugh and beg for more.

It seems rare to find someone lately that is not a Taylor Swift fan. Taylor Swift literally has a cult-like following. Concert goers dress as Taylor and it seems her tickets are in high demand. When you sing a song do you process what you are singing? You should. Words do have power and meaning. She is no longer the young teen who wrote Teardrops On My Guitar. She is a grown up 33-year-old woman who has definitely come into her own. In her song Karma, she says:

Karma is my boyfriend, Karma is a God, Karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend, Karma’s a relaxing thought, Aren’t you envious that for you it’s not?

If you know anything about karma, it is a belief practiced in Hinduism, Buddhism and Sikhism. People believe that the god vishnu revealed karma to the rishis, or the enlightened persons, and that they carry it from one’s past lives into their new life cycle. Developing into the belief in reincarnation. She is proclaiming that karma is her God. Whether you want to admit it, she is denouncing God, the Creator of the Universe. If you are not for God, you are against him. She performs an occult ritual on stage and proclaimed herself as a witch in a previous X (Twitter) post. “It’s me. I’m witches. Never fear, the willow lonely witch remix is here.” Taylor Swift. You are not just watching an expression of creative art. You are opening your spirit up to a dangerous world. A world where the spiritual realm is real and evil exists. I know, I know, you are all thinking, it’s Taylor Swift, she’s America’s sweetheart. You are being over the top and reading way to much into everything. As Jack Hibbs, the pastor of Calvary Chapel in Chino Hills said, and I’m paraphrasing, evil will not come wrapped with a warning, it will not show up on your doorstep saying, evil inside, be careful how you handle this. Are we so naive to think evil will show up with horns and a pitchfork. Evil comes dressed beautifully, enticing you and making you feel great pleasure.

Now Beyonce, she just comes right out and says it loud and proud. Beyoncé says she is oshun. Oshun is the goddess of love, sensuality, and femininity. This goddess is represented, draped in yellow. Look at Beyoncé’s album Lemonade. She continually dons herself in beaded gowns and headdresses and yellow silk, taking the form of the Virgin Mary, Jesus, venus and the hindu goddess kali. She adorns herself with jewelry and clothing, picturing baphomet. A hermaphroditic winged human figure with the head and feet of a goat that is adorned with numerous esoteric symbols. Occultist Aleister Crowley also adopted baphomet as a symbol in his satanic mass. Her infamous alter ego Sasha Fierce, who she said she felt “come in to her” and “take over” is coincidentally the name of the author who wrote The Book of Shadows. Wiccan and Pagan spells, Black and White magic. So don’t get confused thinking that these things are all coincidence. This is idolatry and the summoning of demons.

The Burning Man festival. I have heard of the Burning Man. Also, I never gave much thought to the Burning Man until this year, when flooding stranded 72,000 people in the Nevada desert. Black Rock City was hit with two to three months’ worth of rain in just 24 hours. So, I said, Huh, what is Burning Man? Let’s take a look. Oh, down the rabbit hole I went. That is a hedonistic playground of pagan and idol worship. Created in 1986 by Larry Harvey on a beach in San Francisco, it stood as a symbol against corporatism and capitalism. Hence, burn down “The Man”. “The Man” started as an 8’ tall figure. Concerns over fire hazards led to it’s relocation after four years. Now, it stands as a 40’ tall wooden/wicker sculpture that rotates effortlessly atop a 35’ tall pedestal. Tickets go for $575.00 – $2,750.00. Coffee and ice are the only items sold after entering. All other goods and services are to be gifted, traded or bartered. Vice magazine wrote, “it is the ultimate departure from reality”. One sign kind of said it all. Non Judgement Day is Coming. The art present there, loosely defined, aims to help you find your inner self or connect with ancient deities for pagan worship. There are rituals and ceremonies invoking and praising false gods, an actual Thunder Dome (Mad Max) and an Orgy Dome. This years theme was Animalia. They strongly associate astrology with the belief that a human and an animal are interconnected beings. The piece of “art” that really stuck out to me was, The 60’ chapel of babel. The artist covered the chapel in black and white portraits of people, animals, flowers, insects and leaves, that were meant to convey that we all belong and there is room for everyone in all versions and reiterations of their expression. Which is contrary to what the Bible says. God did not create us to express ourselves in any perversion that we choose. The vision of Sodom and Gomorrah, if I could ever conjure one up, would be pretty close to Black Rock City during Burning Man. I had to pull myself out of this rabbit hole because the deeper I dove the darker it got. The Burning Man which stood as a symbol against corporatism and capitalism now stands for idolatry, sexual perversion, mind altering drug induced ceremonies and evil at its base level.

So what’s the point? My point is this. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12. Right there in the Bible, it says we are not wrestling or warring with people. We are fighting against spiritual wickedness, against forces of evil. We fight not against humans but against powerful forces of darkness and evil spirits on earth. Our daily battle is not against flesh and blood people but against mighty powers in this dark world and evil spirits in the spiritual world that are present here on earth. If you think demons aren’t real and that satan isn’t real, you are sadly mistaken. Satan was a created being. Demons are just disembodied spirits roaming around looking for a body because they have none. They would just as soon use yours as the person beside you. What can we do? Guard our hearts, study, not just read our Bibles, learn our scripture. Be mindful of what you watch on TV. Pay attention to what you listen to in your music. Pay attention to who you are friends with and find a good Church home. Coming together with other believers will strengthen you. Share your love of Christ with all those you meet. Everyone is searching to fill that empty hole inside them. So many people search and search and will try anything but Jesus. If Jesus is not the ruler of your heart, you leave room for “some thing” else to rule. Fill your life with everything that is Jesus. All Satan needs is a crack and he will stick his foot in the door. He’s pretty persuasive. I know from personal experience. How about you?

One Perfect Truth

Who can we trust? Certainly not the news. They don’t report the facts anymore. There may be some facts sprinkled in, but it’s slanted depending on what channel you are on. We are hearing the opinion of the network and only the information that they want us to hear. Fear is the job of most of the news networks and they do a fine job at that. Most of the stories floating around on-line end up being false and you have to fact check everything that you read. Even then, unless you are hearing it straight from the horse’s mouth, could there possibly be another side to the story?

We live in a world that seems to be falling down around us and not to add to the doom and gloom, it feels like that on most days. The nuclear family is under attack, our children are being targeted and the church is slowly deteriorating. We have just been told that UFOs are real and aliens have indeed landed here and we have been studying them for some years now. SAY WHAT!! You can pick your own gender at will and boys/men are playing on girls/women’s sports teams. Right is wrong and wrong is right. In fact it’s all subjective. Everyone has their own truth and is encouraged to speak it and stand on it. We are ridiculed for speaking or standing on THE truth. We are ridiculed for speaking and standing up for facts. No one wants to hear THE truth. Everyone wants to feel warm and fuzzy and live their best life. Well, I’m sorry. No one promised you that you could always be warm and fuzzy and live your best life.

The fact of the matter is sometimes the truth is painful. Sometimes truth makes us uncomfortable. Sometimes I don’t want to hear the truth, but I don’t want to have people around me that just make me feel good and watch me spin out into chaos as I wreck my life. If I didn’t have people in my life that would speak the truth, I would be a drug addict and an alcoholic, probably divorced and estranged from my child and the rest of my family. If you don’t have anyone in your life brave enough to speak the truth, then you need a new set of friends and maybe even family.

There is one perfect truth, and that is the truth of the Gospel. As I look around I am burdened for the world as I see it falling down, but I know thankfully how it ends. I know I am going to heaven and I hope that anyone who reads this will meet me there. If you know Jesus, then you know what I’m talking about. If you don’t, then let me tell you. God, because of his mercy and great love for us, did not leave us in our brokenness. He sent his son, Jesus, as a sacrifice for our sin. He lived a perfect, sin-free life. He willingly, chose to die in our place to pay the penalty for our sin. He then defeated death and rose to life. He did for us what we couldn’t do for ourselves. Merely knowing this won’t suffice. You have to act on this. You must confess your sins, seek forgiveness from God, and follow him as your Lord and savior. It’s as simple as that.

So even as the doom and gloom news and everything else is chaotic in this world, you and I can have hope and know that we will spend eternity in heaven with Jesus Christ. It doesn’t matter how bad things get. God is always in control. He wrote this story from beginning to end. Those that do not accept him will be separated from him for eternity. My prayer is that whoever you are, may you not be separated from God. Now, it’s your job to spread this far and wide.

Power In His Name

There is power in your name. (Awaken Music) That is the song that is playing as I sit down to write this afternoon. I think we have forgotten that. We are all mourning once again as we watch families lose children and mothers, fathers, daughters and sons. It pains our hearts and every time we hear it; we agonize and the country becomes enraged. How can this keep on happening? Whether it’s a school or a supermarket or a concert or military base. Where are we safe?

Now the blame game starts. Take the guns, ban assault rifles. Better care for those with mental illness. Longer waiting periods between the time of purchase and the actual physical transfer of a firearm. It’s all the fault of the republicans and the democrats because they can’t agree on anything. It’s just politics that get in the way. If you think this is a pro gun blog, you are wrong. I am not stating whether I am for or against in this blog. Now is not the time for that. What we need so desperately in this country, in this world, is to call upon the name of Jesus. It doesn’t matter what laws we put into place, evil is afoot and is marching through our nation. We are in a battle for the souls of our children, our families, our neighbors, those beside us in the checkout lines at the grocery store, behind us at the drive-thru at McDonalds, everywhere we look.

Next week, this shooting will be old news, and we will have gone on with our lives. Nashville will still be picking up the pieces as every other city has done every time evil comes through and takes a piece of our goodness. We must not let evil continue to win. We must stand and claim authority in Jesus’ name. Every day we must all get up and then get on our knees and speak his name. That is the only way we can take back our nation and protect our children.

I have had my own spiritual battle this past week, and I have spoken his name and watched evil literally flee from me. Please use this time to earnestly pray for those around you and for those who are so deeply hurting because such evil has directly touched them. We need prayer, lots of it. God hears us. – “For where two or three gather in my name. There am I with them.” Matthew 18:20. My cousin Bubba shared this song with me this morning on a family thread and it spoke directly to me. I hope you will listen and it will speak to your heart as well.

Peace He Gives Us

This has been an interesting week. I have struggled with all the things that have taken place in our country. I have been fearful at times, calm at others, confused, confident, angry and sad. I’m sure every feeling there is to have I and everyone else in this country have been taking a ride on that emotional roller coaster and would really like to get off. This whole upheaval is going to mess up the second half of my life. Huh?

Yes, that was my thought last night. You people need to get your act together. Can we not just go back to how it used to be. Republicans, democrats, yeah we don’t like each other’s policies but we aren’t drawing a line in the sand and saying, “Don’t you cross it or I’ll rage on you.” I want to yell at the Trump supporters who took an extreme and unlawful position at the Capital. You ruined it for the rest of us. Thanks a lot! Now we are all lumped into this title of “The DC Riots.” Which is an all encompassing unfair title. I want to yell at the media for not reporting the news. They thrive and stay in business off of our fear. They don’t report the facts no matter who’s side they are telling. No matter what network you are watching. I want to yell at the looters from this past year. You know what I have seen change in my town? The name of a High School. That is great but the underlying problems we are talking about are not any better. Burning down property, beating people up and instilling fear in others does not bring us where we need to be. When I think about all this, I just take it all in and I think, we can never go back. We can never fix all this. This is the beginning of the end. Again you people are messing up the second half of my life.

Why? Well I’ll tell you why. I have things mapped out. Wyatt is going to work for so many more years we will be able to travel and enjoy all that we have worked so hard for. We certainly can’t do that if we are having pandemics, burning things down, having riots, looters and protests. We can’t do that if we are in the middle of Revelations. Oh Lord, is Jesus coming back soon. I’m going to miss going to Rome. I knew it. I have wanted to go to Rome forever. Jesus, can you just back things up a bit if you are coming back now. Besides if things are about to blow up and we lose things like our utilities, I don’t do well when I can’t wash my hair. I’m getting ready to cover my porch and add a patio and fire pit outside. Well, I won’t be able to enjoy that. (Throws hands up in the air). Yeah, that’s my insane thoughts. As if God should consider those issues when his plan is being carried out. STOP! Sarah has to go to Rome first. Then! I can darken the sun and the moon and let the stars fall from the sky. I really have to laugh at myself. Those are such selfish thoughts. I have now played the end of the world completely out. I am having an anxiety attack or I’ve taken to much sinus medication. Well maybe I won’t build a patio. If I’m not going to use it then what’s the point. Should I just sit here and wait for things to fall completely off the rails. Then I take a breath and say I don’t know these things. Why am I so afraid. But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. – Matthew 24:36. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27.

It is human nature to be afraid and to think of ones self. At least I think so. I’m not a psychologist but that’s the word according to Wonder Woman. I have to bring it back to Jesus. Which is what I do. Times like this when I’m all these feelings then I have to come to ground. My eyesight also gets blurry to. I start to see things not with God’s eyes but with my eye’s and my eye’s can be very judgmental, hateful and proud. It’s time to bring it to ground. Ground will always be God. I nor does anyone else know when Jesus is coming back. I do not know how bad this chaos is going to get that we are experiencing right now. As far as things going back to the way they were, that’s not going to happen and there are reasons why it shouldn’t. I am certain that Jesus said “Peace I leave with you;” So when I’m checking myself at ground level I know that he says specifically “do not be afraid.” Now I am human so I can’t just shut that off and never be afraid but I have a living God who is never afraid.

I don’t know what to expect in the coming months. God does. I don’t know if I will go to Rome or get to use my patio. Those things are so trivial and ridiculous that they would actually be a concern. When you have anxiety it’s crazy where your mind goes and the onslaught of bizarre thoughts that come at lightening speed. I guess for me this kind of climate can have the power to grab a hold of me and drag me around by my hair and let me know one minute to the next how I should feel or react. I will continually take the power back and not be a prisoner to the fear in this world. I want to grab a hold of the peace he left to me, the peace he gave to me as much as I can.

Fear Of The Lord

It’s the start of a new year. I know that it’s time to drop bad habits and start good ones. It’s the time of year when we all put so much pressure on ourselves to try and be the best version of ourselves. What does that mean? I’ve never really been a New Years Resolution kind of gal but I think we all say generally we will eat healthier, exercise more, drink more water those types of things. What does that mean spiritually? That’s what hit me this morning. I know the changes I want to make with my body and I know the things that need to be done to get where I want to be but spiritually, where am I and where do I want to be? Where does God want me to be?

I spent another New Years sober which is something to celebrate for me. That road has been pretty rocky since my sister died. There have been a lot of pot holes and the path is a real ankle twister. This is the 2nd year in a row that I have had someone in my immediate family die and navigating through my feelings is a daily trek in need of hiking boots. It’s the comfort I miss in my drink. My friend and companion that has been there so long with me. Any alcoholic or addict will tell you that. For me it’s a he and he’s like a friend. Not a very good friend but he’s there and he doesn’t judge you and doesn’t talk back to you he’s just there when he needs to be and he’s warm and he’s numb. He’s also jealous and won’t allow me to have any relationships with my family. He won’t allow me to be shared with anyone especially Wyatt. He wants me all to himself and won’t stop till he has me right where he wants me. All to himself after I have demolished every relationship I have and he is all that is left. So of course I need to continue this journey and continue to battle and know this is not just a battle of the physical body but a battle of the mind, the spirit. There are things fighting for me to give in and give up but there are stronger, tougher things seen and unseen fighting for me to stay in it. It’s worth it. I have been called to stay in it. Spiritually, where am I, am I moving forward, where do I want to be, where does God want me?

I have so many things rollling around in this brain of mine. You would be scared if you could see in there. I have so many ideas and projects and things I want to work on. Pretty big things that I dare not say out loud because that might actually put them out into the universe. I might actually have to overcome my fear and move forward on what I feel I am supposed to be doing. If I do that though, I just might be rejected and I just might fail. That’s a whole lot of just mights and maybe, what if. That all sounds like failure to me. You have no idea how hard this is to write. Again there are so many reasons I can come up with not to move forward but there are bigger, greater more powerful reasons to trust God and move forward.

We all struggle. Some harder than others and I for sure know others have much harder struggles than I do. My sobriety and a few projects I have been rolling around were at the forefront of my mind when I thought about this New Year. This 2021. Like I said most of us go to taking care of our bodies and we know how to do that or how to go wherever we need to go to have someone to help us do that. Do we always look at where we are spiritually? Where we are with God. I want my focus to be there. I know I can’t do anything without God so why would I not start there? Why would I not feed my mind and my soul? Without the word of God and his guidance in my life and seeking him in prayer what foundation do I have? It says in the Bible – The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding Proverbs 9:10 I don’t know how many times that is in the Bible. I stopped counting at 9 maybe that’s it, maybe there’s more. I am not a Bible scholar. What I do know is that it’s important. It’s something I want to explore this year.

So I’m going to focus first spiritually on what it means to fear the Lord. How is that the beginning of wisdom? There is so much more behind that scripture than when you just read it at face value. I know whatever God has for me this year (I hope one of those things is to burn this mask) I have to have a strong foundation. I can only do that by understanding how to build the foundation correctly. In order to gain that understanding I need to fear the Lord to even begin to have wisdom. How am I going to do that? Well I’m going to do that by figuring out just what God means by that and the only way I know how to do that is by getting to know him better than I do today. I will never understand if I don’t have a relationship with my Lord and God Jesus Christ. I pray we all have a better year than last year and I will continue to ask God to let me wake up 30 lbs lighter in the morning. Who knows, he does do miracles. Faith of a mustard seed people!!

Jesus Is Waiting

I am at a loss. I have been trying to blog since we came home from inpatient hospice on Monday. I have written and deleted I don’t know how many times. Nothing seems right for me to put on the page. I’m all over the place.

We were given such a gift from God on Monday. Dad woke up, is how I like to describe it. It’s called a rally. It’s very common for a person to have a rally as it gets closer to the time that they are going to pass. He was alert and he wanted to eat and we all got to spend some time with him. I think we all got to tell him things that we thought we weren’t going to get the chance to tell him. I had the chance to tell him I love him again. I had the chance to hear him tell me he loved me. I was able to hold his hand and look in his eyes and let him know how very much he means to me. What a good, good, father he is. I don’t want to let him go. Looking around the room at all the people that had gathered to spend a moment with him and love on him was overwhelming. There must have been close to 20 people in the room. A person isn’t surrounded by that many people if they did not touch all those lives in some special way. The room was lit up with laughter and love, tears of joy and tears of sadness. I went to bed that night feeling like I had been rushed from the bottom of Mt. Everest straight to the top in about 5 seconds. Cold wind rushing in my face, snow hitting me and standing on the top peak with the sun shining down on me warming every part of my being making me feel alive.

Only to wake up the next morning and find that he had gone back inside himself again. As fast as I had been whisked to the peak I had been dragged back down to the valley and the trip was exhausting. He was still somewhat responsive and could call us by name. We were still able to talk to him and understand if he was uncomfortable or in pain or not. He was still able to say I love you but that spark that had been lit the day before was slowly going out. Little by little he has traveled inward until he is unresponsive. We might get some sort of an answer every now and then when we talk to him and ask him questions but I believe he is battling now. He has many conversations, most of them we can’t decipher but he is talking to someone. The nurse explained so many things to us about the mind and the body and how they fight against eachother. His body is struggling and is tired and I think he is ready to rest but his mind still wants to stay and isn’t ready to quite let go. He is having hallucinations according to the nurse and I like to think he sees his Mom. Meemaw is sitting in her rocking chair chuckling and shaking all over and can’t wait to hug him and show him around. I’m so excited for him to go and sit and talk with Jesus. I know he is going to have all his quesions answered and I can just picture his face full of light and love and joy when he sees the Father. At the same time I want to be selfish and hold on to him. I know it is time. I don’t want him to suffer or be in pain or struggle to stay because he thinks we are not going to be ok. I have told him it’s ok. He can go. As much as I will miss him and mourn his loss I know I will see him again. That’s what makes death so bearable. I know he knows Jesus as his Lord and savior. I know Jesus as my Lord and savior. I know where he is going without the shadow of a doubt and I know where I am going. So I know we will be reunited. Death is not the end. It’s just the beginning. We are only on this earth for a short period of time. If there is one thing my Dad would want anyone to know who is reading this or who knew him it would be Jesus loves you. Jesus died for you. Jesus rose from the dead for you. You can have eternal life and live with him in eternity if you just believe and accept him as your lord and savior, admit you are a sinner (as we all are) and believe he died and rose from the dead and is the one true Son of the living God. He will wash you white as snow and you will be forgiven. You will have eternal life. So you see, earth is just a short journey and we should certainly live and love and spread the love of Jesus Christ while we are here. Death is where our real life begins. It’s where we are made whole again if we so choose and to live in peace for eternity or to be separated from God for all eternity. That is the true definition of hell.

So while I sit here today by my Dads bed and watch him labor to breathe and struggle with a foot in both worlds so to speak I pray that he will hear us and know that it is ok. I love him with all my heart but Jesus is waiting and I will see him in a short while where we can sit and talk just me and him on the steps.