Tag: father

Journey Through Grace: Finding Clarity After Loss

It’s been over a year since I have posted a blog. I didn’t realize so much time had gone by. God has been impressing on me to make this a regular part of my week. I am attempting to do that. I have changed the name of the blog to Journey Through Grace. That’s exactly what these last five years have been. My life has been a journey through grace since God decided that my Dad’s time on earth was finished.

When my Dad passed away it was devastating. Just devastating for myself and my whole family. He was our glue. He led this crazy group of nuts. We all went to him when we needed clarity. Let me say we were nuts by our own doing, my Dad wasn’t the head nut, only occasionally. But there in lies the problem. I will speak for myself although I know others in my family feel the same. When I needed clarity or needed answers my Dad was my go to. He truly was the wisest man I’ve ever known. He was able talk on topics from farming to electricity. He could shoe a horse and build a boat. He may have not had an actual degree, but the man was a bible scholar.

It was not necessarily wrong to seek advice from my Dad. But I neglected to seek clarity and answers from my Heavenly Father. My Dad always pointed me to scripture and showed me what scripture had to say about certain issues. He was always talking to me about reading the word and my relationship with Christ. I don’t think I felt it necessary to deepen my relationship with Christ. I have my Dad. He has all the answers, what more do I need.

I was left spinning when he passed. He passed so suddenly too. Diagnosed with a glioblastoma and gone 3 months later. That’s not very fair God. Thanks for the time to get myself together. My Dad had completed his journey. I know my Dad heard God say those amazing words, well done my good and faithful servant. Now all I was left with was God and of course the world. Needless to say, these five years have been incredible. They have been painful and joyful. They’ve also been depressing and blessed. I could use every adjective in the dictionary because my emotions and my experiences have run the gamut.

My Dad was a great man and he loved the Lord with all his heart. The one thing he did was show me an example of my Heavenly Father and that’s who I ran to. I’ve known God practically all my life. However, I never had a relationship with my Lord, Jesus Christ until the last several years. I now understand the joy my Dad had when he spoke of Jesus. I am busting at the seams for others around me to understand that Jesus. Life is not perfect. It never will be. However, it is a whole lot better when you can truly talk to your savior and you can let all your ugly just hang on out.

I’m excited to share my experiences of the last five years and just talk about every day things. Things going on in the world. Things going on in my life. But I’m most excited to talk about Jesus.

#Baileystrong

I had to take a break from writing and I just got started. Some of you know and some of you don’t. My father was diagnosed with a brain tumor and had to undergo brain surgery last Thursday. This really caught my family off guard and it all took place (diagnosis, surgery, hospitalization) within a week and a half, two week period. Most of all it caught my Dad off guard. He went in for an MRI and found out he’s perfectly healthy in one area and by the way we’re glad you’re here because there’s a little something on that scan that we need to talk about. I suppose no one is ever prepared for that kind of news, but really? A brain tumor? There were no signs. He wasn’t having any symptoms. I guess that’s the blessing. If we would not have known until he started showing signs and symptoms the tumor would have progressed so much more than it had.

The day of his surgery we were sitting in his room listening to some music just spending time with him before he went in and I played Good Good Father by Chris Tomlin. If you haven’t heard it. STOP!!! Go listen to it and come back. It’s an amazing song. I looked at my Dad and my family in the room and those that were on the way and thought of my family who had surrounded us through out the week and the friends and just everyone who showered us with love and prayers and I was completely filled. I knew whatever happened HE is a Good Good Father. I looked at my Dad and loved him so much at that moment because he as well is a good good father and as much as he loves me, which is unconditional, and would give his life for me, how much more does my Father in heaven love me. It can’t even be measured. I want to share something my nephew Nick wrote earlier that morning after sitting with Dad around 6am when it was quiet and it was just the two of them.

“Today I sat with PawPaw in the early morning hours while everything was still quiet. I sat there and prayed for the success of the surgery. I pray for a miraculous healing and I pray that no matter the outcome that not just me, but the entire family still realizes that God is good no matter what happens. It made me realize our hope isn’t in a hospital, doctors, nurses or surgeons although we pray for them and want them to perform above and beyond their best abilities. But our ultimate hope is in Jesus Christ. The fact that HE has laid death in it’s grave and HE is a Good Good Father and we are deeply loved by him. Harper has been singing a song that she learned at church lately and the lyrics are “I know no matter what God loves me” and after sitting and talking to PawPaw I know that he believes that with all his heart.” Nick Bailey

You can’t get any more real than that. I know that no matter what my Dad loves Jesus Christ with all his heart and I can take comfort in knowing that God’s got this. Not just on the surgery day or when I pray extra hard but he has this in his hands. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

For those that aren’t close to the situation my Dad made it through the surgery amazingly well. I don’t know what this next year holds for him but I know I’ll be there with him, with my Mom and as my cousin Allison Kelley stated “although I’ve hated the circumstances I’ve really loved being around family these last few days. #Baileystrong”