Tag: suicide

Don’t Just Take His Word For It

Do you know what your preacher says is true? How? What if he just made it up? Maybe your preacher just wants to bend or pervert scripture to make you feel all warm and fuzzy. You go every Sunday to punch your ticket because that’s what you’ve always done. You go every Sunday because you are supposed to. Well, of course you go because if you don’t you’re a bad person and God will be mad. You go because you need to make that appearance or the people in your community will start talking. Wrong wrong, wrong wrong wrong. God doesn’t care if you go to church. He would like you to. To be able to commune with other believers and worship with other believers and to use your spiritual gifts to serve one another. But how do you know if what you are being fed is the Word of God?

You are responsible for knowing your Bible. God is not a one hour a week acquaintance. I mean he used to be for me. Sometimes less than that. I’m not here to trash preachers but if you are going to sit under one you should know that he is teaching you directly from the Bible and not from a twisted version or interpretation of scripture. It says it directly in the Bible. “Beware of false prophets who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves.” Matthew 7:15. You are only getting a snippet of the Bible every Sunday. You can’t just memorize scripture and be able to reel off a few verses when the circumstances call for it. Anyone can memorize scripture. Your Pastor can memorize scripture but does he know what it’s saying? Is he explaining it correctly? How would you know? Because scripture speaks for itself. Scripture explains itself. It’s not man’s interpretation or how we feel it best suits our lives or the culture that happens to be most popular at the time. How can we be so sure? There are several sure fire ways.

The Bible never contradicts itself. Any true interpretation or prophecy must align with the overall message of the entire text. Any confusing text or difficult text will always be explained by clearer texts elsewhere in the Bible. You must always read a verse in its entirety. You must read with all the surrounding verses and chapters to gain context. You also must know the culture and historical setting of the time. It makes a difference. For example in Leviticus where it says “You shall not make any cuts on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves: I am the Lord.” Leviticus 19:28 People are quick to throw that up when they see a Christian has a tattoo. Do you know why God said that at the time and why it is not relevant now? He commanded the Israelites not to tattoo their body because the Pagans did it as part of a mourning ritual and idol worship to their false Gods. It was to separate themselves from the Pagans and not get caught up in idolatry. So unless you are tattooing yourself to worship idols today I think you’re in the clear. That’s why it’s important to know the historical and cultural setting. That’s why it’s important to sit under someone who is schooled. Someone who knows the Word and has studied it. But why must you know it? Several reasons.

How will you know God if you don’t? You can’t get to know God and have a relationship with him by doing a quick check in once a week. That’s not how you get to know someone. Especially someone that has done so much for you. My word he knew you before you were born and loved you so much that he hung himself on a cross and said, I will die for you. I will take all your sins, everything you are going to do, no matter how evil. Put those on me. We need to get to know a God like that. The only way to get to know him is to spend time with him. Meeting with him on a daily basis. Reading your Bible and studying scripture. If you don’t you won’t have any idea if what’s coming from the pulpit is the word or a wolf to drag you straight to hell. You need to know when you hear something that doesn’t line up with scripture to remove yourself. You need to see an elder or go through whatever channels your church has set in place to question these things. You need to find out what’s going on. Did you misunderstand? Did the Pastor really say what he said and are the elders in complete agreement? Jesus warned his disciples. “Behold I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” Matthew 10:16. Basically, don’t be dumb. Be smart. Be intelligent. Be alert. Don’t be naive or deceived and don’t use these things in dealing with people.

I’m going to wrap this up and I have kind of run on but this has been an intense topic for me. Christians aren’t serious enough about getting into the word and we just expect someone else to do all the work. Feed me my dose of Jesus on Sunday and I’m all good. Well, it takes more than that. I think I’m so riled up after watching the Death of a Pastors Wife documentary on Netflix as many of you are. I don’t want to get into breaking that down and the details. But there was one thing that hit me about the whole documentary. Does nobody in that church know scripture? No one is holding him accountable to what he is preaching. Let’s just put aside all his other moral failures. Where are the elders? Maybe if anyone in the church had studied scripture or been the least bit strong in their faith Mica Miller might be alive. There are more people to be held accountable for her death than John Paul Miller. A whole church of blind, scripturally ignorant people.

The Rock

Do you ever go to church and think, are you spying on me? Did God tell you directly to write that sermon for me? I almost felt a little paranoid this past Sunday. I was beginning to wonder if my Pastor hacked into my home security camera’s. I mean the worship music, the sermon everything it couldn’t have been more spot on. I haven’t been in a while with everything that has gone on. That’s no excuse. There is no good excuse. That is all the more reason to go and make time for church and to hear the word of God and be loved on. Sometimes we are so quick to be so lazy on the things that we need and are so good for us and are so quick to pick up the things that can do us so much harm. So I made it back this past Sunday and I do know that my Pastor did not hack into my home security system but he sure did preach. It was for me, and I’m sure others but God sure did give me ears to hear on Sunday. Now let’s do this!!!

I leave church and I always feel like when I leave its like a football huddle. We all have our heads together, we are all given the plays, we’re hyped up, ready to conquer, we have our arms around eachother in a great big circle kind of doing a little jumpy dance, the Pastor yells break and we all jump up and yell, GO TEAM!!! That usually makes for a great Sunday. There is usually good food on Sunday, Football (I happen to know that God is a Steelers Fan, he does have a Terrible Towel). But seriously, church just feeds your mind, body and soul. It always helps me get a handle on my week and I can sit down and break out my super planner and schedule for the next day. Each night I sit down and write out individual things I need to accomplish for the next day. I mean right down to when I’m going to eat breakfast. Don’t judge. So here’s the thing. I have a couple of things that I let steal time from me.

Like so many others I suffer from migraine headaches and I have for 20+ years. I think I have been on every medication out there and I continually try new things that come out on the market. I wake up on a regular basis with a migraine headache so that throws my whole day off. A lot of times it can take my whole day from me. Sometimes several days from me. I also suffer from depression which has a really good relationship with these stolen days. It’s very hard to suffer from a migraine and be down a day or two or more. I can send myself into a spiraling hole of depression. The struggle is real and it all takes place in my head.

It has gotten much better. There was a time quite a few years ago that I could not function. I could do the bare minimum. Which was take my son to school and pick him up. I think I managed to function just enough to get through the day. It really all came to a head when I decided I didn’t want to be here anymore. I thought Wyatt would be better off without the stress of me in his life. He would not have to continually worry about me. I know JT felt like a caretaker and that was no way for a child to feel about his mother. He should be a kid. He should be with friends, having fun not worrying about whether I was going to be ok. I just wanted them to stop worrying about me and I just wanted to stop hurting every single day. So I decided to stop hurting and take a bunch of prescription sleeping pills and attempted to cut my wrist. I was so tired by the time I tried to cut myself that all I managed to do was scratch myself. Wyatt was at home and he was working in the garage and kept coming in because he felt that something was wrong and I finally told him what I did. He took me to the emergency room and I was admitted to St. Mary’s Mental Health Ward. I spent almost a week there, they changed up my meds, I was released and began counseling.

There are a couple of things that are important to me to point out about that time in my life. 1: Prior to this happening I had changed Dr.’s and he had changed my depression medication. I had called him for a month. I had made 4 phone calls and told him I did not feel right. There was something wrong with these meds and I did not feel like myself and was feeling even more depressed than I was before I started taking them. Each time I was told “Just give it some time, they will get better.” The last time I called I was told, “Dr. —– can not help you. You are going to have to find someone else. You need to see another Dr.” 2. The first thing I said to Wyatt when I got to the car that day when leaving St. Mary’s “I’m so glad to be out. The first thing I want to do is go home, have a cigarette and a glass of wine.” It is very important for everyone to understand this. I am positive there was something wrong with my depression meds. I’m not saying it was the total cause of why I did what I did. It is very important that when you start taking something new that is supposed to alter your brain chemistry you let people around you know. That you Dr. is attentive and listens to your concerns. You know your body best. My Dr. was negligent in my opinion. He should have brought me back in. Those little warnings on the commercial or in fine print on the leaflet can and do happen. Pay close attention to your loved ones who are on these depression meds. It was also important to me to get back to self medicating myself with alcohol as soon as I got out but Wyatt and I weren’t identifying that as the problem. It was the depression. I’m pretty sure alcohol doesn’t mix with those meds.

I am so beyond thankful God brought me through that. I didn’t want to die. My family would not be better off without me. God has things for me to do! I wish I could say that I turned everything around from there but you might know by now I think I know better. I know that is a whole lot to take in and maybe more than you want to know. I feel like a lot of times as Christians we feel we are not supposed to talk about those kinds of things. We don’t suffer with depression, we don’t do things like try to commit suicide. We don’t smoke, we’re not alcoholics and we certainly don’t get committed. We’re all happy. We have Jesus!! Can you tell me where that group of Christians is because I’ld like to make sure I steer clear. I’m not sure of anywhere in the Bible where Jesus said if you believe in me life will be one big walk in the park. In fact just the opposite. – Remember what I told you: A servant is not greater than his master. If they persecuted me they will persecute you also. John 15:20 – In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, 2 Timothy 3:12 – strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. “We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God,” they said. Acts 14:22.

As believers we are going to have hardships that we come under, some more than others. Some of our own making and some not. No matter if from our own making or from God it’s what we do with it. How we get through it. Illnesses that can keep us down. Depression that can take over our minds and bodies mentally and physically. Substance Abuse that is slowly robbing us of everything we hold dear. A lost job threatening your financial situation. A bad marriage, a violent spouse and you don’t know where to turn. An out of control child and you feel like you are held hostage in your own home. Gossip spread about you that has no merit to it what so ever yet it is ruining your reputation. Compulsive lying and you don’t know how to stop. Death, expected or unexpected. There are so many trials we will go through while we are here on earth and each one that belongs to us can feel like climbing Mt. Everest. I can certainly say I have not done a great job approaching some of my mountains I have come up against. My initial reaction has not been to immediately turn to God. That’s our flesh. That’s the world. If you are in this world and of this world you have a lot of options. Drink your problems away partying with friends, complain, blame, send your problem away, violence, denial, look to false Gods. None of those will bring you peace. If you are in this world but not of it you have one place to go. Jesus. You have to face the truth. That’s not always very easy. I am certainly learning that. I’ve tried for so many years to ignore Jesus and use the ways of the world and it finally came crashing down. What I feel starting to form under my feet is that rock.

I’m building my house upon the rock. It’s going to take a while but that’s ok. No strong house was ever built in a day and you have to make sure your foundation is good and solid. I’ve got a lot of construction ahead and I’m sure storms are going to come and delay my work. I just need to know that this house will always have need for repairs and additions. She’s going to keep on standing but occasionally when those hurricanes rip through a shingle or two or three or even a deck is going to need replaced.

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had it’s foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mind and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” Matthew 7:24-27